I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
