i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
