Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
