can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
