i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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