So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
