the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
