I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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