it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
