You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
