I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
