I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
