those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
