didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
