so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
