Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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