3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
