He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize