i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
