What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
