What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
