He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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