stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
