just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
