it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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