Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
