I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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