Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
that's an acceptable place to lick
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
