Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
