What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
