I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
