i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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