Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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