Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
