he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The power of my boobs compel you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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