i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize