she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
