New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
