I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Someone came in the potted fern
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
