I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
