shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
