Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
