he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
