dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
