Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize