Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
