He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
