"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
