so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
