Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
