You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize