Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
