Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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