I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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