I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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