I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
