Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it because I queefed?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
