Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
