I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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