the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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