So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
