I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
