11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
