She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
