Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
