it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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