Don't make out with my wife yet
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize