My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
