her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
