walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
