i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
