NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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