Do you still have your period?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
