remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
