im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
