Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
