I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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