oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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