If that was your dad, he is hot
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
