is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
