hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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