True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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