Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
