flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
