I wish my penis had an off switch
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Quick, to the slutcave!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
