Just cropdusted the office
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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