1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
