there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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