Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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