You just made me feel so damn special
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
