It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
