What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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