Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
